Having a house full of boys is loud . Really loud . If I’m not stepping on Lego or cars , I’m having to listen to gross boy talk or being the referee to a WWE match .
It’s fun , but my god I could do with someone on my side .
Someone to relive my childhood with and play Barbies and Polly Pocket with .
Little bit of pink in this mad blue world .
Don’t get me wrong I absolutely adore my boys but having a little girl was something that I have always wanted . I have such a close strong bond with my mother and I would love to have a daughter of my own one day .
When I was pregnant with my third son , my now husband and I had said that was it . No more . So those girly dreams seemed shattered but when he was actually born we had a change of heart and decided on just one more . One more shot at getting our girl .
We tried for 10 long Months with no luck , unfortunately suffered a miscarriage then miraculously found out 2 weeks after the miscarriage we were expecting again .
The pregnancy from the off was tough , the constant worry it was going to end like the last one was always on my mind , eating me up everyday . I was incredibly sick from day one too which really didn’t help with how low I was feeling as it was . I’d had nausea in my previous pregnancies but not on this scale . Most days I could barely get myself of the sofa and with trying to look after a 1 year old also I really felt the pressure of it all .
When it finally got round to my 12 week scan , I was so excited yet super nervous about seeing my baby on the screen . I knew about Nub theory and was really hoping to get a good nub shot of the baby so I could get some ideas of the gender . Luckily I did get a nub shot this time but it was a slightly tricky one , due to the babies position the nub did look like it was pointing upwards which caused a lot of boy guesses on my post I shared in my favourite nub group at the time ‘ The Nub Queens ‘ although I had many boy guesses from members of the group , all admin did guess or lean girl which gave me some hope .
I was off work at this time with the sickness so money was tight but I wanted to book a gender scan so much , I couldn’t wait. Out of the blue some of my close girlfriends all pooled together and brought me a gender scan which I was and still am incredibly grateful for .
The next 4 weeks were the longest I have ever been through . I spent the whole time obsessing over my 12 week scan picture , constantly looking at it, joining nub theory groups for more opinions . I felt like I was going insane . Why was it so important to me to have a girl ? Why couldn’t I just relax and enjoy my pregnancy ? I hated that I felt like this because I was so lucky to even be pregnant but I couldn’t stop the feelings taking over me .
When I come down to the big day , I was a complete wreck . I could barely drive to the location . I felt sick with nerves , I couldn’t even park my car outside properly .
Sitting in that waiting room was torture , we got lucky and they took us in early . I asked them if they could look at the gender without us knowing and write it down in a envelope for us to read on our own , after the last trip there with my third son and how badly I reacted to finding out his gender I wanted to save myself the embarrassment and guilt if I was told another boy .
They asked us to close our eyes when they went to check the gender but slightly to late . Me and Arron both were convinced we had seen boy parts , my heart sank . I just wanted to get out of there . They asked us again if we were sure we didn’t want to know in there and we said no .
Sitting waiting for our pictures to be ready to pick we both just looked at each other , I could tell from Arron’s face he had seen what I had . There was such a heavy cloud of sadness and guilt over me , again I felt awful for feeling so down but it just couldn’t be helped .
We got our pictures and said our goodbyes to the staff and left .
We made it about 10 steps out the place and I said to Arron ‘ Well we know it’s a boy let’s just open it ‘ He did try to stop me but I just needed to see it . I needed to let in sink in .
Opening up the envelope and inside was a potty shot of our child .
Expecting to see ‘ it’s a boy ‘ but I didn’t .
It’s a girl .
It’s a girl ? My heart just burst , I couldn’t control my mouth and I shouted out in the middle of the street ‘ Its a girl arron , it’s a f*****g girl ‘ why I felt the need to swear is beyond me but it came out .
Tears we’re steaming down my face , I was shaking like a leaf . The kids were jumping around screaming with happiness and Arron was just hugging me crying .
That was pure happiness .
In shock I called my mum and decided I wanted to tell her to her face the good news so I asked where she was , and told her it was another boy so she had no clue at all what I was about to say . She told us to go meet her so I could have a cuddle . Meeting her and my step dad we handed them the envelope , it took her a while to even realise what she was looking at but when the penny dropped , the pure joy continued . Their first granddaughter.
We spread the good news to our family then shared with Facebook the outcome . A outpour of happy and celebratory messages came in from everyone .
I think people wanted us to have a girl just as much as we did .
Going into Asda that day and finally after 11 years of shopping in the boy aisles I finally could go into the girls . That for me was so special , something I had longed to do for such a long time .
No words can fully describe that day for me . It was just magic , but with this came a whole new set of nerves . Was she actually a girl ?
And so began the next 5 months of worry that my girl would turn into a boy . I actually ended up annoying myself how much I would go on about it , I‘m surprised people didn’t tell me to just be quiet.
I was told at my 20 week scan , still a girl . I still didn’t quite believe it .
I booked a 31 week 4D scan and was shown and told yet again still a girl but still my brain couldn’t rest .
I had brought so much girly things , everything I had was pink or floral or Lacy , could my girl really be a boy?
On May 19th 2018 I went in to the hospital to be induced.
The next day after a agonising wait on the ward as it was so busy , I finally went into delivery to have her .
I was so close to finally meeting her .
At 20.23pm she came . 7 lb 5oz of perfection .
First thing I said was ‘ is she a girl ‘
Everyone was crying and saying she was .
I couldn’t believe it. I finally had a daughter .
A daughter of my own .
How was this even real ?
How do I even look after a girl ?
This is all so new to me .
But now I get to spend the rest of my life figuring it all out .
I feel so lucky every single day . Finally a mama to both and our future is looking bright .